Monday, 24 April 2017

A great example of knowing better and doing better

I’ve written a bit lately about how I feel some IF (and post-IF) bloggers react to some of our blogs; when we write about strong women, they see it as elevating No Kidding women above those who are still trying, and when we ask for a bit of sensitivity – asking people who know better to do better – we’re accused of trying to live in a bubble.

So I wanted to point out that not all IF and post-IF bloggers are like this, even though I know I am stating the obvious because many of those wonderful women read my blog and are very thoughtful in their own blogs, having learnt and grown from their own experiences, as have we all.

I was recently delighted however, to see a comment from a blogger (a mother, and currently pregnant) called mamajo23, who wrote a comment (on Different Shores’ blog) about whether having a child is the holy grail and delivers automatic happiness, as we all seem to assume when we are desperately trying to conceive. Her comment was interesting:
“I can now say first hand that a child(ren) do not make life happy … but rather the incessant pressure from society to procreate finally subsides.”
This comment alone would have sparked a blog post from me, but as I have more to say today and only eight sentences to say it in, I’ll simply point out that you don’t have to have a child to notice that this pressure abates as you enter your mid-40s and beyond, and along with the wisdom and confidence that comes with these years anyway, there is a real feeling of a burden lifting.

I then visited her blog, finding that she has recently been thinking about some of the issues I’ve dealt with here in recent times, in particular triggers (through pregnancy announcements) and the idea of “giving up.”

I found it totally heart-warming to read these posts from her perspective (knowing of course that when I write I could be accused of being over-sensitive or bitter), as she and her equally sensitive readers and commenters reinforce the importance of us all considering other people’s situations, and of trying to be kind in our everyday and blogging lives.

Thank you, Mamajo23, for knowing better, and doing better.


  1. WOW. Thank you for linking to the "don't give up" post in particular. It brought tears to my eyes. Yes to everything. So amazing when people can look outside their own experience and have that empathy. I feel like for me, empathy is everything, and it is possible to expand it. What a lovely post to read this morning, yours and hers!

  2. Hi Mali I really like mamajo23, she leaves insightful comments and is a lovely writer. I welcome contact like this with parents because it does stop me getting all myopic about my own situation. She's also a veteran (10 failed IVF cycles amongst other things).

  3. Always glad to get a recommendation for a good new blog! :) Thank you, Mali! :)

  4. Hi, Mali...haven't been blog-hopping in a long time, so I've been out of the loop, but I'm seriously shocked at the accusations. I'll slowly get to reading the links.

  5. I also really like mamajo23 and her writing. She's very sensitive and a very kind soul.