01 May, 2017

My internal bad guys

Last year, Mel wrote a post about our internal bad guys, the voices in our heads that stop us living our lives, tell us stories that aren’t true, and steal our efforts at happiness.

I think everyone has these bad guys – I remember an “ah ha” moment when I was in my late 20s/early 30s when I saw a businesswoman on a documentary talk about imposter syndrome. I believe that it is much more prevalent amongst women ... or perhaps we just talk about it more?

I do think though that infertility emboldens these internal bad guys, when they say some terrible things to us, and additionally, in those early months/years of a No Kidding Life, they can really go over the top. Sadly, they learn their best material from stereotypes in books, on television and movies, by listening to politicians and radio announcers, or even from our friends and family, and then they know just when to throw these statements back at us, usually at our weakest, most vulnerable moments.

I’ve managed to stand up to the ringleader, What If Wanda, and as I told her in no uncertain terms to STFU shut her mouth, her followers Fearful Freddie, Sensitive Sally and Behaving Bessie quietened as well. Even though What If Wanda and her crew turn up again from time to time, they are actually easy to stand up to in the end, because all I have to do is ask, “are they speaking the truth?”

Now, if only I could get rid of Procrastinating Polly as easily!


  1. Kick her to the curb! Though I'm glad you've taken down What If Wanda several notches. Even if she still comes around, she affects your life less and less.

  2. Haha! I like the idea of naming the voices in your head.

  3. This is wonderful, I am adding it to my goal list for myself!

  4. Love those names! I should name mine. A few of them were rambling on this morning and I had to tell them to shut the hell up already. But then I remembered they might represent parts of me that actually need attention so maybe I should be nicer.....who knows? "Are they speaking the truth?" is always a clarifying question, thanks for pointing that one out.

  5. Oh yes, What If Wanda is THE WORST. And Procrastinating Polly has me here instead of working on a project I desperately need to spend time on as it's due in two weeks and I am not even close to being done. I know that feeling of fraud/imposter overwhelming me, even as I know it's not really true. Most of the time. Maybe not lately. Internal bad guys are the worst. I'm glad you are fighting them with questions of truth, and the realization that they don't speak that language.

  6. This is a brilliant way to look at things, and I especially love the question you use to distill truth from badassery.

    As for dealing with Procrastinating Polly, let me get back to you at a later date.