16 July, 2018


I am always happy when a new blogger arrives* in our group  because they always say things that make me think, or that describe my own experiences in a slightly different way.

Léa at Des Meandres aux Etoiles has written some lovely posts so far, although I’ve only read a couple as I am attempting to read them in her original French, though Google Translate or DeepL do a good job of translating her posts into English; Léa, like so many Europeans, responds to English comments in perfect English herself.

Léa made a comment that spoke to the heart of my understanding of how to move on, and that is one of the reasons I called this blog No Kidding, when she said,
“ … gathering the energy to keep moving forward in life means to not lie to yourself.”
Making the decision to end the process is a moment of brutal honesty; an honest assessment in the medical (or practical, eg with adoption) likelihood of success if we continue, honest assessments of our own ability (mental, physical, financial, etc) to continue the process of trying to build a family, and honesty in accepting that this will not be our lives. But it also means honesty in accepting that our future lives will be fine, that we will be able to bear life without children, and eventually, the honest acceptance that our lives without children will be good, happy, fulfilled.

She also said that 
“becoming aware of my experience has given me the effect of deliverance.”
I absolutely adore this, because she acknowledges that all this honesty delivers freedom, a release from the burden of trying and failing, a liberation to move forward and live, and love, her life. Brava, Léa, I look forward to (hesitatingly in my schoolgirl French) reading your posts.

* though I am sad for them that they have found themselves here


  1. Beautiful post, Mali. And beautiful words, Lea.

    I love that you point out that we must be honest with ourselves about accepting that we will not have children, but also honest that this life we did not choose can still be happy and fulfilled. So much truth in these observations...

  2. Beautiful! I just added Lea’s blog to my Blogroll.
    (Note to all who use Blogger/Blogspot - Seems Google removed all ‘non-Blogspot’ links from their reader tools (!!). Those of us on our own platforms now must reach out to have Blogspot users. Believe you need to manually re-add our blogs to your Blogroll. Please update mine with https://blog.silentsorority.com — Never a dull moment in blog infrastructure land!

  3. Dear Mali, thank you so much for quoting my post! I am very touched that you liked it and mentioned it on your blog. Thanks also to you and Pamela for having added my blog to your blogroll!

  4. This is so lovely! I love the combination of honesty and liberation. That moment where you are totally honest is so hard, but then to let it go is such a relief. Thanks for sharing, and Léa, lovely post!