09 July, 2018

Miscellaneous No Kidding Thoughts

1. Another shout-out to Mel, who has hosted her 600th Roundup by inviting her readers to highlight particular posts (their own, or those of others) they have loved, and it is a celebration of infertility and No Kidding blogging. I encourage you to go over and read some of the posts* that are being featured. I wish my memory was better, because I have read so many posts from so many of you that have made me punch my fist and say "yes!"

2. I had a major eye-rolling even late last week when I was watching a news show talking about the Thai boys trapped in the cave, and someone commented that it was "the worst thing imaginable, being trapped in a cave in the dark with water rising."

"I'll tell you something worse - it's being the parent worrying about your kid trapped in a cave," said another guy.

As a parent, he was relating only to the grief and fears of the parents, whereas I (like the actual parents of the boys, I suspect) was worrying about the the boys and their young coach, thinking about what they were feeling, what it must have been like to spend ten days in utter darkness, the fear and hope, the hunger, the desperation.

3. My husband and I put the cat amongst the pigeons last week when we decided to give all his other siblings six month notice that we would not be spending Christmas with their parents (we have done so for the last three years in a row), and it was up to them to decide if they wanted their parents to be alone, and if not, who would be the ones to visit. They have hidden behind having Christmas with their children (or allowing their children to spend time with cousins) for years, implying that, because we don't have children, Christmas is less important to us, and also hinting - quite strongly - that the idea of enforcing their children to celebrate with us and/or the in-laws was just too cruel** to the kids. So this year we got in early, saying I want to visit MY family this year for a change, and we're sitting back and watching the fireworks!

 * and thank you to those who featured my posts, two of my personal favourites - Infertility's Waiting Room, and The Real Success Stories.

** despite one of the children telling me she didn't want to spend Christmas with all her cousins and aunts and uncles


  1. The situation is with the Thai soccer team is awful, but it blows me away that so many have turned a blind-eye to all the other suffering and also to assume that only the parents are suffering. A SEAL has lost his life in the rescue efforts. That’s hard for that family not to mention the rescue team.

    Good for you with DH’s family! Sounds like it’s going to be dramatic, but you’ve been taken advantage of.

    1. I agree - it's like the Chilean miners. I remember writing that the man who went down the tube first, to stay down with the miners and send them all up, was the bravest man in the world. The teams doing this rescue are amazing.

  2. Er I'm pretty sure being trapped in a cave in the dark with water rising is the worst thing.. Actually, the worst thing is to compare the two things, as they aren't really comparable, and they shouldn't be compared anyway - but leave it to the parents to do that. The mum in my office was just talking about it and her focus was how awful it was for the parents.

  3. I get so upset about family situations where the obvious thing is for people to take turns but how some people just can’t fathom that is possible. It doesn’t matter who has kids and how many or who doesn’t. These are parents of ALL the siblings, and it shouldn’t just be implied that anyone is the natural choice for taking that on. And how unfortunate that the kids haven’t had the experience of celebrating Christmas with their grandparents...!!!
    Good for you guys for standing your ground and making someone else step up!

  4. Good for you for setting the holiday expectations early! For the last two years we've said 'We're staying home. If you want to see us, we have guest bedrooms you can use.' Oddly enough, everyone came. Not 100% sure how happy I am about that! I hope you're able to do things that make you happy over the holidays!

  5. Okay, "Putting the cat amongst the pigeons" is now my favorite saying. Good for you for saying what's what and putting it back on the other siblings, so you can spend Christmas with your family. I cheer your chutzpah! And yes, love the 700th (600th?) many-hundredeth round up and all the great posts that are bubbling up from the past. The Infertility Waiting Room is just brilliant, and so very helpful for those of us deep in the suck (and after).

    And Bryce and I were JUST TALKING about when people pull the "as a parent" card... how disgusting that someone would make it about being a parent, when those poor boys and their coach and the SEALs are doing such death-defying stuff to free them! It SOUNDS like empathy to say that, but it's really not. it's tunnel vision. (not meant to be a horrible pun) I was so happy when the news came out that the boys and coach were found, and then so nervous when it seemed they might not be rescued, and then so happy again as they are slowly getting them all out (but of course devastated for the SEAL who died in rescue, how awful).

    I love your miscellany!

  6. That comment re: the Thai boys reminds me of when the little Syrian boy's body was found on the beach in Greece, and all I could hear was "As a parent, that breaks my heart." Ummm, how about as a HUMAN BEING??

    Bravo for you for sticking up for the right to spend Christmas with your relatives for a change! (I realize I sound slightly hypocritical, because we have always spent Christmas with MY family... but we do live right here with dh's family, or at least within about 45 minutes drive... they can see us anytime!)

  7. I hate the "as a parent.." comment. An ex colleague of mine wrote about how "as a mother" she finds the situation at the US border with the kids being separated from their families especially awful thinking about the kids etc on her instagram. I corrected and wrote that you don't need to be a parent to find that situation unacceptable and awful.
    Six months notice is plenty of time for the families to figure out what to do about Christmas, you are right to stand your ground!