A friend on Fbook was bemoaning the stress-inducing state of her country the other day, and said, "... it would be way less so if I didn’t have kids and didn’t have to care about the future of the country/world/etc ..."
I didn't say anything, though I was sorely tempted, and I am still tempted to message her and call out her comment. No, I have not raised the next generation, and no, I don't have my own genes going into the future, but it is a huge presumption to say I don't have to care about the future of the country/world/etc. I of course care deeply for my nieces and nephews, and for any children they have/well have, and I grieve for the future they will inherit, more so it seems than some of their parents, or the parents who are doing their utmost to divide and destroy.
Furthermore, perhaps precisely because I don't have children who will inherit my name, my genes, my outlook on life, my legacy is the legacy of the country, of the planet, of the human race. It is not focused on my own progeny, but on everyone else's progeny, including hers. I can't shrug my shoulders and focus only on my children, forgetting about wider issues. Leaving the planet a better place - kinder, more aware, more thoughtful, for example - is my only legacy.
Oh holy jeezum. This is one of my least favorite transgressions that parents commit in the name of parenthood. "Well, the whole North Korea thing is scarier for me because I worry for my boys" was one I saw last year. I totally agree with you -- I think caring about ALL kids, all future generations, instead of JUST MY OWN KID/S or through the lens of my children, is just as important. I love your legacy. And I really detest when people say that those without children have the luxury to not care about the future. Total bunk. And I REALLY hate it when politicians use that as a way to edge out competition...the ultimate "as a mom" nonsense. "Well, as a mother I have a stake in the education system." Um, so do I, as a teacher, and so could anyone who wants to see a generation of people who are well educated and prepared for the future workforce and full of empathy and personal responsibility. It irritates me so much. Here's to KINDER, MORE AWARE, MORE THOUGHTFUL.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your font color made this like invisible ink...I highlighted the text to see it. I thought I was nuts when I saw ghosted text in the gray space, thought my monitor was burned in, but it just turns out the font blends in! :)
DeleteOops, sorry about the font. I wrote this at the airport and pressed publish just before boarding the first of two flights! I'll try to fix it, and the typos thanks to predictive text keyboards, now!
DeleteThis. Makes. Me. Rage. Beyond that, I can't say anything without exhausting the limits of my extensive curse word vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteI should preface this by sharing that we spent 14+ years trying to have babies and many of those years believing that we would be child free, so I completely understand where you are coming from! That said, becoming a parent does make you look at things from a different lens. Things you never worried about before become fears. Of course that does not excuse her ignorance in saying she wouldn't have to care about future generations! That makes her sound rather unfeeling. We should ALL care about the future and the legacy we are leaving behind! You are way ahead of the game in humanity for wanting to leave the world a kinder, more aware, and more thoughtful place. That by itself is an amazing legacy, and more than a lot of people, with or without kids.
ReplyDeleteI call bullshit. I’ve seen people make these comments, but when pressed it comes down to them just trying to get a leg up in the conversation. The world is a scary place, but you cannot tell me you would be less scared if your progeny weren’t involved because the reality is the emotions and feelings are one’s own.
ReplyDeleteI honestly hate these types of arguments as I see them as very selfish. It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s not okay to make someone feel less in the process. And people need to be called out on this more.
dear Mali, I couldn't agree more!
ReplyDelete