Important words: It is okay to grieve

I was hoping to write about something else this week, but last night I saw a video of our Prime Minister at a school in Christchurch last week, after the horrific mosque shootings. She spoke some very important words, words that are too often ignored in our society, and words which we all need to hear, to understand, to believe.

She told the students (I'm paraphrasing slightly):

It is okay to grieve. It is okay to feel sad. And it is okay to ask for help, even if you weren't directly affected.

On No Kidding and the other very important no kidding childless and infertile blogs and communities around the web, we tell each other these words regularly. Too often our society doesn't allow us to grieve - especially when our losses are invisible - and so we have to remind each other that it is okay to grieve, and to ask for help. But to see these words on national television? To hear them from the leader of a country? That's important. That's a step forward for us all. No, it isn't specifically for the childless community. It's for everyone. And that's perhaps an even more important message, and one that will benefit us too.

It's a reminder too to all of us, that loss reminds us of loss. That grief for one thing brings up grief for another. That's normal. But just by saying something is normal, I'm not saying it doesn't matter. It does. Grieving is important. Acknowledging our feelings is important. And as time passes, we are able to feel that grief, acknowledge the fact it is visiting again, and then allow it to leave too.

Sending love to all of you who might be feeling grief or sadness or fear at the moment. It will pass. You're not alone. And you always have a place here.