When you think about living a life
that was not your first choice, you might find it odd that I encourage you to
Celebrate. But synonyms of celebrate include mark, commemorate and honour. I
know many of my fellow No Kidding bloggers have reached this stage in their lives
But many of you who might be just
saying good-bye to your hopes of building a family will be aghast at the idea
of celebrating the end of their dream. I am not suggesting that’s what you
should celebrate at all. We need to remember to be kind to ourselves when we fail.
But we should also praise our achievements, and congratulate ourselves, not
just for the big things, but for getting through life – for each time we
recognise progress, or realise we did something hard, or wince and move on when
something hurts or someone said something hurtful, or speak up against stereotypes,
or remind people of our situation, etc. And as time passes, I think we all realise
that there is, in fact, much to celebrate.
Celebrate surviving a long, hard,
and disappointing quest that did not deliver what we wanted.
Celebrate our resilience, and our ability
to adapt to new situations and make the best of them.
Celebrate our hope for something
Celebrate the progress we have made
since the time we first knew that we would be living a No Kidding life.
Celebrate that we kept taking all
those tiny, small and often painful steps towards healing.
Celebrate the relationships we have
that have come through this.
Celebrate the relationship we have
Celebrate the wisdom we have
developed, and the people we have become.
Celebrate your new life.
Celebrate the unexpected joys.
Celebrate the networks you have
built or are building amongst women who are not mothers.
Celebrate all those other women who
are blogging and writing and working to help us all know we are not alone, and
to try to change the world to make it easier to navigate.
I also celebrate all my much-loved readers who
motivate, encourage and support me here on No Kidding in NZ, who write me
little notes, who challenge me to think about other perspectives, and keep me
And today, I’m also celebrating the
20th post and end of my 2020 Blogging Project, when I’ve laid out a path to healing, looking
at the key areas that helped me move from that day when I first knew, definitively,
that I would never have children, never be a mother, never make my husband a
father. It has made me think about the process, about what helped, about what
was hard. Thanks for reading along with me!
And next week, No Kidding in NZ will
resume normal transmission. See you back here. I hope that's cause to celebrate too.