16 November, 2020

A No Kidding Holiday*

 Well, we had such a lovely time away on our trip, I missed posting last Monday! I wasn't organised enough to have pre-scheduled posts already written, so I just let it slide. Although I feel kinda naughty saying that, it also felt good to let the Monday drift by!

I often assess my trips here, noting if there were any instances that made me feel childLESS rather than childFREE. I am wondering if that is healthy, even while I bristle slightly at a conversation at my sister's place. A friend of hers had visited, and she (the friend) made one of those all-sweeping comments about having or dealing with children "as we all do." I bristled, but I bit my tongue. I wasn't really part of the conversation, and I was in my sister's house, so I restrained myself. You should be proud of me, because I didn't even roll my eyes. (That took considerable self-discipline!) It just wasn't the time or the place.

I wish I didn't have to consider the time or place to point out the inherent bias in these comments. I wish people just thought a little more before uttering these asides. After all, she's been a long-term friend of my sister, and certainly will know my history, or at the very least, the fact we don't have children, and that it was not our choice. It felt (vaguely, and perhaps just in my imagination) ever so slightly deliberate. It wasn't necessary to the sentence. And there was a hesitation before she said it, speaking almost defensively. Standing the ground of the parented, perhaps? Or wanting to be sensitive, but realising she'd already started the sentence? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. But it is funny how tiny little things can stay with us.

On the bright side though, we had a lovely trip which would simply not have been possible at this time of the year with children, even children in their mid-late teens, as our ectopic babies would be by now. There would be exams, and end-of-year functions, and summer sport. But we took advantage of the clearer roads and destinations between October school holidays and the summer holidays which start in mid-December. It was bliss. I'm not kidding.

* Holiday = vacation


  1. dear Mali, I am very glad that you had a lovely trip.
    Comments - "as we all do" - yes, I am familiar with that. I am currently not working so I have plenty of available time. So I attend two language courses (all via Zoom) - One I love (German teacher is wonderful) and one that I don't - the Italian one. Last time we practiced conversation and the teacher started the topic - hard work with home schooling of the children. The phrase - as we all do - was said many times. Each participant was asked the same question - are your children also home schooled right now. This is a topic that parents love so each participant was talking for at least five minutes. When I was asked the question - I simply replied that I don't have children - the teacher simply couldn't think of anything else to ask so she skipped me.

    I am glad you bit your tongue. So did I.

  2. Be careful. Holding in eye-rolls might be bad for your health (lol).

    I'm so glad you had a time of bliss. So great that you can travel!

    1. I saw something this morning that said, "one of these days I'm going to roll my eyes so hard I go blind!" Yup!

  3. So glad you had a good holiday! Um, hats off to you, because I would not have been able to hold back the eye roll. That comment was totally unnecessary. I hate when it feels it was meant to exclude. I hope you can ride the high of your holiday for a while!

  4. Thoughtless comments annoy me so much. They're so... Thoughtless! Just think people!! It's not that hard.

    I'm so glad to hear you had a wonderful holiday! :)