30 November, 2020

Being grateful for No Kidding friends

I had a lovely boozy dinner on Saturday with good friends of ours, who also don't have kids. Instead, we occasionally talk about our nieces and nephews and great-nephews and great-nieces, as we are talking about all sorts of other things. But it is a nice relaxed way to have a conversation. We talk about what to do with all our stuff, and who will clean it up when we go. (She is teaching her niece and great-niece which of her possessions are valuable or historic, and how to tell.) We joked about both needing to stop hoarding, but refusing to stop getting ourselves the occasional treat. Because, as she pointed out, we still need to live and enjoy our lives.

She knows I blog about our No Kidding lifestyle but is busy with a high-powered job, and probably has never read this. It's not her style. She's openly without kids, but not so openly Not By Choice. Both my friend and her partner are great examples of people with a full, busy life without kids. They have family (several generations) nearby, and lots of friends, they mentor young people at work, have hobbies, are active and outgoing, and have an interest in the world. We're lucky to have them in our lives. 

In fact, I often think of a quote of hers when others talk about "having children is the purpose of life." "Rubbish!" she scoffed when I quoted a mutual friend who said this to me as I was between pregnancy losses. 

"There is no purpose in life other than to enjoy the lives we have." 

Believe it or not, when she first said this to me probably 18-19 years ago, I was a little shocked. I hadn't heard anyone else say anything like that before. But gradually the more I thought about it, the more I agreed with her. And every time I remember her quote, I appreciate the lesson. She's right. And I'm glad I get to enjoy life with her in it!



  1. Dear Mali,
    I love love your friend so much. The next time someone will hurt me, I will think of her and her comment "Rubbish!"

    And I just love this sentence:
    "There is no purpose in life other than to enjoy the lives we have."
    My thoughts exactly!!

    sending you lots of love from Europe,

  2. Hi Mali,
    Fun post to read. Thanks for sharing and letting me know I inspired you to write it. We just celebrated Thanksgiving here in the US this past week and being childless, we always get that shadow of 'otherness' that passes during the holidays. This year it took an even stranger twist with the pandemic. Our party of three turned into a party of two (my hubby and me) when my cousin cancelled because two people in her workplace tested positive. We had an invitation to go to close friends, but we opted to be just us two this year. It was a beautiful day actually and we might find ourselves choosing it more often, rather than feel like we must always fill our holidays with people, because that's what's expected.
    Good read/seeing you. Cheers!

    1. Hi Sue. It was actually a different post you inspired me to write. But I need all the inspiration I can get!

  3. Purpose: Enjoy our lives. Precisely the message I needed right now. If appropriate share to her that she helped many many people who will never know her and whom she will never know. Most of us never realize the impact we have on others. But lots of ripples will spread from her remark and lots of healing also from her and from you. THANK YOU.

  4. OMG what an amazing friend!
    it is friends like this that keep us afloat when we question ourselves and that is a golden ticket indeed! It sounds like you had a wonderful time and you so very much enjoy it! Loved reading this!!!

  5. "Rubbish!" - I simply love this, too!
    Thanks for sharing. Friends like her are gold.

  6. Most excellent. Your friend is a wise one, and I'm not surprised you value each other.