I was just sitting in the doctor's office, waiting to get a long overdue (three years since my last one - thanks, covid) skin check, reading a book on my phone, when this line struck me:
"... imagining what might happen if one's circumstances were different was the only sure route to madness."
I love that! It's how I have approached my situation from the moment I knew permanent childlessness was my infertility outcome. When I stopped myself thinking about what my kids would have been like, stopped imagining holding my child in my arms, hugging the toddler or the teen or the grown adult, etc. When I shut down those "what-if" thoughts because they were unkind to myself. When I wrenched myself away from the imaginings of the life I had hoped for.
It was a timely reminder too, if the examination had gone differently, how I would have had to approach a negative diagnosis. (My father died from metastasised skin cancer, and NZ has very high rates due to our high UV levels, so I am well aware of the risks. Hence the check-up.)
I know I've written about this a lot before. It's what happens when you have a No Kidding slash childlessness blog for almost 12 years, and write solely on No Kidding/childlessness issues! Repetition is inevitable. But if I'm honest, I don't mind that. I hope you don't. I'd hate to bore my readers!
In fact, I really like seeing the same philosophies I live by popping up in other contexts, when I'm reading or watching something totally unrelated to my No Kidding life. In this case, it was a formerly aristocratic man in Russia realising his life had forever changed in newly communist Russia, in "A Gentleman in Moscow" by Amor Towles. There are little gems of wisdom we can apply to our No Kidding lives everywhere we look. They help me recommit to enjoying my life as it is now. And they remind me we're not alone.
|Recycling a photo from previous posts|