08 May, 2022

Today: The Day That is Not for Us

I've been grappling all week with the question of whether to post on Mother's Day (yes, I know that I named the day that shall not be named), as I wasn't sure what to say. But in case there are readers finding the day difficult, I wanted to acknowledge it here. I want to acknowledge those women in the UK too, who are having to relive this all over again by reading stuff from the rest of the world who recognise the day in May, not March.

I have no mother or mother-in-law anymore, and I have no children. It feels as if the day is happening elsewhere, and to others, and I'm fine with that. So we are treating today as any other Sunday. I've worked out, and done some cleaning. My husband has done some house maintenance. We're had a cup of tea and done a crossword together. Simple stuff! And tomorrow is another day. We deliberately choose not to go out for brunch on this day, to stay away from movie theatres, or pretty much do anything out in public. That's fine. It makes for a quiet day, but doesn't bother me. I can curl up on the couch with a book soon. That's nice! 

It's only when I open social media or newspapers (online) that I see reference to it. I know for NZers and Australians that this will continue into Monday too, as our US and Canadian friends pass through the day almost 16-20 hours later too. It can be hard to deal with. Or at the very least, eye-roll inducing. So if you have US/Canadian friends, maybe avoid social media tomorrow too.

There have been a lot of posts on blogs, podcasts, and articles about the day this year, and more than ever mentioning those who might find the day difficult. I find that a really positive new trend. It started on Friday, when I was listening to my favourite National Radio programme, and the announcer finished by wishing everyone a happy mother's day, but then acknowledged that it can be a challenging or sad day for many, and added her wishes that those people who don't enjoy it find the day passes peacefully. I was delighted to hear that. There needs to be recognition that days that celebrate one group of people can, as a result, inevitably be very painful to others.

In case you want some support or just to know you're not alone, here are some of my previous Day that shall not be Named posts:

and another one Spoke too soon 

Meanwhile, see you tomorrow for my regular Monday post. (That's the plan, anyway!)


  1. Thank you for writing. Please keep writing. (things are ugly, you help. Wishing so many things.)

  2. We also don't go out in public (walks don't count) if we can help it. I was going to go to the grocery, and then I was like WHAT AM I THINKING??? and so I'll go tomorrow. No need to shove it in my face. Isn't National Public Radio amazing? Ours was similarly sensitive. It's amazing to look back and see how awful this day used to be. And to see how a combination of healing and taking control over the day instead of the other way around have changed things! Thanks for a great post, I'm sure it will be helpful to so many. 💜

    1. Your post also reminded me of one of my other coping mechanisms, when I still had a mother or MIL - "celebrate on a different day if you can. It makes a difference." It really does make a difference, I agree!