13 March, 2023

We are worthy: finding wisdom in unexpected places

I just watched the last half of the Oscars. It was a little mind-destroying! Let's celebrate mothers, the winners kept saying. "This is for All the Moms." "Without them none of us would be here." (No Kidding! lol)  "So, you're celebrating biology then?" I thought. But the irony was lost on them, because they then went on to thank people who had helped them, all those who had collaborated and worked together regardless of whether they were parents (or getting the kudos and rewards for their labours). The clearly not-a-mother winner celebrated her sisters and parents, and other winners celebrated teachers who had given them inspiration and confidence and a sense of understanding and safety. So, it wasn't all about "all the moms." So why did they have to say it? Has it just become an expected, socially imposed uttering that loses sincerity because of its ubiquity?

"They should watch Mom," I thought. I've been watching a bit of Mom lately because a) I love Allison Janney, and b) I'd watched snippets in the past, and started it just wondering what the first episodes were like. Yes, it's silly. Yes, it's light. But I've also found it has been quite interesting about addiction, as well as being occasionally laugh out loud funny, and short (so an episode can be squeezed in before bed). 

But in a totally unexpected way, it also addresses who women are without mothers, and without being mothers. It doesn't make me feel bad about not being a mother. On the contrary, it points out that motherhood is not easy. And it makes me feel good about simply being me. It addresses friendships between women, and finding your tribe. It gives a lot of sensible advice, advice that I find relevant to those of us who don't have children. ("It's not all about you," "their comment says a lot more about them than it does about you," "you can only control what you can control," "you can change how you feel about things," etc). And overall, it reinforces that women have worth just because they are here, because they exist, because they are trying to be better. It emphasises that women deserve to be happy and respected. All of us. We are worthy.


  1. Oh, I LOVE this post. This year was the first I didn't stay up for the whole Oscars, what I still have the second half recorded to watch. I get thanking YOUR mom, but why moms in general? And I love the whole thanking an entire network of people who help you get to that high point.

    I have never watched Mom, but I will have to now! Looking for light but thoughtful shows for recovery, that sounds awesome.

  2. I did notice a few more remarks than the usual thanks to moms this year, but I don't think it was the worst I can remember. I do remember writing a post one year after the Oscars about the blatant celebration of all things mom... I just did a search and found it! (from 2011!!)


    Dh & I enjoyed watching "Mom" on & off over the years -- I love Allison Janney too :) -- although it did kind of peter out towards the end. I wrote a post a few years ago about one particular episode, later in the series, about Jill (one of the AA meeting friends) and infertility/egg freezing (and how much they got wrong!).