We are worthy: finding wisdom in unexpected places

I just watched the last half of the Oscars. It was a little mind-destroying! Let's celebrate mothers, the winners kept saying. "This is for All the Moms." "Without them none of us would be here." (No Kidding! lol)  "So, you're celebrating biology then?" I thought. But the irony was lost on them, because they then went on to thank people who had helped them, all those who had collaborated and worked together regardless of whether they were parents (or getting the kudos and rewards for their labours). The clearly not-a-mother winner celebrated her sisters and parents, and other winners celebrated teachers who had given them inspiration and confidence and a sense of understanding and safety. So, it wasn't all about "all the moms." So why did they have to say it? Has it just become an expected, socially imposed uttering that loses sincerity because of its ubiquity?

"They should watch Mom," I thought. I've been watching a bit of Mom lately because a) I love Allison Janney, and b) I'd watched snippets in the past, and started it just wondering what the first episodes were like. Yes, it's silly. Yes, it's light. But I've also found it has been quite interesting about addiction, as well as being occasionally laugh out loud funny, and short (so an episode can be squeezed in before bed). 

But in a totally unexpected way, it also addresses who women are without mothers, and without being mothers. It doesn't make me feel bad about not being a mother. On the contrary, it points out that motherhood is not easy. And it makes me feel good about simply being me. It addresses friendships between women, and finding your tribe. It gives a lot of sensible advice, advice that I find relevant to those of us who don't have children. ("It's not all about you," "their comment says a lot more about them than it does about you," "you can only control what you can control," "you can change how you feel about things," etc). And overall, it reinforces that women have worth just because they are here, because they exist, because they are trying to be better. It emphasises that women deserve to be happy and respected. All of us. We are worthy.

Looking forward to World Childless Week 2022

Just a note to remind everyone that World Childless Week 2022 is coming up next month, and the final date for submissions is 28 August. Last year I wrote some pieces at the very last minute, so this year I thought it was worth reminding you a little earlier, in case you want to submit a relevant piece of writing or art. 

I'm not sure whether I'll write anything new this year. Over the last eleven years of blogging, I've covered most of these topics, sometimes frequently, perhaps even ad nauseum! Last year (here), I linked to previous writings, and this year, rather than repeat myself, I'm simply going to list the topics and add any of my posts that I've written in the last year. I hope one or both might inspire you.

World Childless Week 2022 Topic:

Our Stories - As I said last year, this whole blog is my No Kidding story. Last year I wrote a piece - My Story Grows with Me -  when I said "It is not all of my story, but it will always be part of it." I'm not sure there's much more to say.

Childlessness and Single - Not something I have experienced myself, but I look forward to a lively discussion for a group that has been forgotten too often.

A Letter to my Younger Self - This is the piece that might inspire me to write something new. This whole blog, again, is really what I wished I had known twenty years ago when I was going through infertility and loss, and beginning to face the possibility of a future without children. But I think I'm curious to know what I wish I could have told myself back then. Succintly! lol

Childlessness in the Workplace - Again, this isn't really something I've talked about or addressed, as I left full-time work (and became self-employed) in the midst of my family-building efforts. I've never really been disadvantaged because I didn't have children, as I was working in male-dominated industries. I've faced discrimination because I was a woman, and because I wasn't a subject specialist (engineer, or education), but not really because I didn't have children. At least, that is the way I've chosen to look at it. I will be fascinated to see other people's contributions. And maybe I should write about my own experience as well.

It's all in God's Plan - This topic is about religious comments that might affect you. But also, I think it is also about the non-religious version of this, which is "It wasn't meant to be." That statement has always bugged me. (Living in NZ, I've never heard "It's all in God's Plan" directly.) I've written about it elsewhere, but watch this space, because I might cover it again too!

We are Worthy – Like last year, I'm also not sure I have anything new to add on this topic, other than noting that it is always worth remembering that we do not have to have children to be worthy members of society. We are always worthy!

Moving Forwards – Once again, I'll note that this topic is the theme for this entire blog, and its lifespan of almost 12 years now.The piece I wrote last year for Our Stories, which was chosen as a submission for the Moving Forwards topic. I think all our stories become that. There are only two choices for our No Kidding stories. We move forwards, or we stay stuck. And moving forwards, whilst it might be hard and painful at times, is ultimately so much more satisfying.

I look forward to seeing any pieces you might write on these topics. And if you are inspired, as I am now, maybe consider donating here (this is a link to WCW's page) to help Stephanie fund this free event, so she can do continue to bring inspiration to our community in the future.

#worldchildlessweek

We are worthy

This year I joined a social media group for Childless and Childfree Women in Australia and New Zealand. I'm in a number of No Kidding groups, and of course read blogs from all over the world, and love the international connections and global sisterhood that we share. But it was nice to find one for people in my own region, filled with women who "speak the same language" even if we love to tease each other about our accents.

The atmosphere in the group is largely positive, cheerful, forward-looking, which I haven't always found in other groups, but it is very supportive too. There seems to be little to no conflict between the childless and childfree, which makes me happy, because we do have a lot in common. Every so often I see a post or a meme that I want to share with you here, or that I want to explore in more detail, so I'm going to do that. Today though, I'll start with one that is simple, and that I really liked:

"I'm not perfect.
I'm only human."

 I love that. It's a reminder to us all that we are worthy, no matter what. Remember that!