22 May, 2023

A No Kidding Grumble

Okay, today I’m going to have a gripe. Nothing major, but just some things that have irritated me.

On FB, I have a number of friends I met during a time of loss. A number of these friends have gone on to have children. I’m very happy for them, and enjoying seeing the occasional photo and hearing about their parenting stories, the ups and the downs. I feel a special bond with a few of their children, and have met some of them. But just occasionally, they post something that I feel like responding to them with just one word. “Seriously?” Infertility amnesia in action.

One of these women puts up a lot of parenting posts. She is an avid follower of a particular parenting style, and I actually find it interesting to occasionally read posts or articles about the philosophy behind it, and how to put it in action. But she shared a video about a woman giving birth, commenting that she had found childbirth to be an amazing experience. (Well, duh!) But seriously? Did she forget about those of her friends who would have given their right eye to have had the chance? Yes. That’s the answer. She forgot about us all! Because I don’t want to contemplate the possibility that she just didn’t care. Sigh.

Another friend seemed (it wasn’t clear) to have established a part-time baby photography business. So random babies appeared regularly on her feed. I love to see photos of her son. I remember her pregnancy, as well as the losses that preceded him. I feel, in an odd way, connected to him. I feel less connected to the children she had and hid when we first got to know each other, and I certainly don’t love to see photos of random babies. And I don’t like that I feel like a grumpy old woman when I have to look at these. One link to her photography site, on the other hand, would be fine. I’d feel like supporting her then. Bah humbug. Yes, that’s me.

And unrelated to those friends, but continuing the grumbling theme (lol), a gripe about someone I know personally. They tell me all about their friends’ kids. I’ve heard about the friends for years, met them once or maybe twice, but never their kids. It’s nice they all have close relationships. But I don’t really want or need to know all the details about these kids. Talk about rub it in!

Okay, grumble over. Life will now resume as normal! 


  1. Sigh. Fertility amnesia is the worst.

  2. Grumble away because it's merited!

    I appreciate occasionally hearing about insensitivities because when I hear about them, it gives me a prompt to do a self-check. For example, recently, I shared an article from my nephew's school district honoring him in memorium during what should have been his graduation. I directed people to an important message for parents and teens from my sister about not being the "cool parents" who provide a space for underaged teens to drink alcohol. Did I need to narrow the audience to parents and teens? Probably not.

    1. True. Especially as many people like to be the "cool aunt" (or uncle). It's a good reminder for us too to think about the messages we send.

  3. Unfortunately, I also have had similar experiences...!