Just Us

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated a major wedding anniversary. MAJOR! It seems hard to believe that we are that old, to have been married for so many years. We’ve had an amazing time together, with the usual ups and downs that people have. It’s just that our ups and downs have not been children-related. Wait. Actually, some of them have been – infertility and pregnancy loss and getting used to the idea of never having children are ALL children-related. They’re just not the usual ups and downs.

I know that a lot of people go through relationship difficulties during infertility, especially if there are differences of opinion over how far to go down the reproductive assistance or adoption angle, if either or both of those are possible options. And I know of relationships that haven’t worked out as a result. But I also know many who have formalised their relationships after becoming permanently childless, many who have celebrated their relationships with new commitments or new beginnings together. Being childless does not doom a relationship, just as having kids doesn’t keep people together.  My husband and I became closer through our losses, and have stayed closer as the years have passed. (Which is not to say that we don’t drive each other crazy at times. We are very different personalities!) We have been lucky, we know. But it has also required understanding, commitment, and patience. A lot of patience! Love can get you through.

So we went out for a special meal on Saturday night, and I cooked us a favourite meal on Sunday and we had a special bottle of champagne. I’m not going to lie, though. There was a twinge of emptiness – people celebrating this number of anniversaries are usually surrounded by children and grandchildren. Others who genuinely want to celebrate our relationship. Our anniversaries always pass by unrecognised by everyone else except us, and our parents when they were still around. One of my sisters made a point of remembering this year, publicly posting on my social media feed, which was lovely of her. 

But otherwise, it was just us. Of course, we could make a big deal of it. Invite friends over, sisters to visit, etc. But ultimately, the relationship has been for us, about us, with us. There haven’t been any other people in our lives distracting us, or acting as a buffer zone in conflicts. It's always been just us. And therefore celebrating it that way, just the two of us, seems somehow right. We are enough.

 

We had to celebrate with champagne,
of course!