Thinking positively: A Guide

A decade ago, I made a note in my blogging drafts folder of a series of posts written by Hope at A Crack in Everything (still online, but not added to since 2015) that talked about an “encouragement card” issued by an IVF clinic, in an attempt to ease the stress felt by those undergoing the process. The card was inspired by a study showing that positive thinking helps relieve stress, and its ten points basically said, “think positively.” Not bad advice, but not terribly helpful. Do read all three posts. They’re really wonderful. And I hope that Hope is doing well, wherever she is.

She included a great list of things that would have helped her at the time, and at the end of the posts, she asked, “What would be on your personal encouragement card?”

It's taken ten years, but I’m finally getting around to writing about this. All these years later, I’m not thinking about the IVF process, of course, but rather the life that came after. I guess my whole blog has been a personal encouragement card. It reflects what helped me, and what I say to myself to keep going, regardless of the situation that has got me down. These messages both apply to No Kidding situations, but also to many other life experiences too. And although I completely agree that thinking positively helps me enjoy life, feel compassion, and feel fulfilled, we sometimes need a guideline on how to get there.

So my personal encouragement card would include the following:

1. You’re allowed to feel crappy. Let yourself. Forgive yourself for this too.
2. But you won’t feel like this forever. Know that it is true, until you can come to actually feel it and believe it. You will be okay.
3. You’re also allowed to feel good. Smile. Laugh. Feel bliss. It’s not a betrayal. It helps. And anything that helps is worth it. 
4. Try some mindfulness, consciously enjoying the little things of life. Good music, something funny, a good cup of coffee or tea, the sun on your face, good food, a hug from a friend, a warm bath or hot shower, etc. Fleeting feelings of comfort or joy is a great start, and can grow into a practice.
5. When you are ready, let yourself think about what might be the positives in your life. You’ll need to teach yourself – or maybe even force yourself, at first – to look for them though. Trust me – they will be there. There is a positive side. 
6. When you’ve found it or them, let yourself enjoy the positive side.
7. Remember that just because you enjoy on the positives, it doesn’t mean you deserved this, or brought it on yourself. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. This life may not be what you planned. But it yours. The positives are there, they’re real, and it would be a waste to ignore them.
8. Learn to challenge the negative voices – your own, and others. Once you’ve disputed them, don’t let them back in.
9. Love yourself, and feel compassion for yourself. Give yourself comfort. Stop beating yourself up. It helps more than you can imagine. 
10. Know you are enough. You will come to believe this.

What would be on your personal encouragement card?