I spent the morning chatting with a friend and her younger relative, a student doing a major project (for her degree), about No Kidding issues. How refreshing it was to be able to talk freely! How we could have talked for hours about the topic! How great it is that the younger generation want to explore the issue.
Ultimately, the project focuses on women's reproductive choices, not specifically childless, or childfree, or women who intend to be parents. We’re all subject to the same things though. We all feel the judgement of society, the pressure from friends or relatives to have children, and the isolation from policy discussions. This rampant pronatalism affects us all, and tries to remove our choices, to tell us we are wrong, that our lives aren’t full or happy or valued, or even valid. Pronatalism doesn’t even address the fact that for some of us, there is no choice involved. The choice was made for us. So our pronatalist society shunts us into the “pitiable” box, and forgets about us. Along with the childfree who get put in different boxes in the same forgotten corner. We all get judged first, then ignored.
I could very much relate to the young women of today, who just want a choice. The old 1980s feminist in me has always only ever wanted to be able to live my life the way I want to, rather than the way others think I should. And so I do. (Well, as much as I can without that lottery win!) It's the only life I have. It's as worthy as anyone else's life. And it is a good one.
That is so heartening, to know that young women are thinking about/exploring these issues and thinking about what they really want out of life, and not just going along with society's expectations because "that's what you do." And I'll bet you were able to provide her with some encouragement, and things to think about! Bravo to you too!
ReplyDeleteThe really weird bit was only later, when I realised she was the same age my first child would have been, but for the ectopic.
Delete" The choice was made for us."
ReplyDeleteI hear this so many times from adoptees, as well. Pronatalism does a disservice not only to people who want to be parents, but also to those who become the holy grail of the quest.
This is why the recognition of rampant pronatalism is so important. (1) To recognize that people who wished to parent but didn't end up doing so are equal to those who become parents, and (2) that those who are end up being in service to wannabe parents, through donor gametes or adoption, have their own thoughts about societies prioritizing parents over nonparents.
Such a great point, thanks, LLL.
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