Elder care for the No Kidding

I just had a lovely long seaside lunch with a friend. The sky was blue, the waves startling white as they broke, and the kite surfers were relishing the brisk breeze. (I've just had to wash the sand off my face!) I enjoyed a delicious "bliss bowl" and coffee, and we talked and talked. Connections are so important! One of the many topics we covered was elder care, as her last parent is now in a hospital-level care facility. She knows about everything we went through with my mother and my in-laws too.

After The Guardian article (also mentioned here by Loribeth) discussing the UK system for health and care of the elderly, I thought it might be useful to talk about the situation in NZ. According to the article, in the UK "... one in 10 people over 60 don’t have children, but for the over-50s that figure jumps to roughly one in five." It also notes that "older people who don’t have children to help look after them are 25% more likely to need to go into a nursing* home ..."  These are frightening statistics, but also useful ones - for politicians and policy makers and government planners, of course, but also for the No Kidding population. As I've often said, forethought and knowledge can give us an advantage when planning for our old age.

In New Zealand, assisted living care is available, and paid for if your income/assets fall under a particular threshold. At the moment, because of limited facilities and cost, the government focuses on providing assistance to the elderly in their own homes. Both my mother and in-laws had government-supplied assistance. My mother had weekly shopping visits provided, daily welfare checks, and could get minor cleaning and chores done. My father-in-law had similar assistance, with daily welfare checks and physical assistance. Things we didn't even know about were prompted by the assessment process. Household aids - implements to help get out of bed, stools for the shower, etc - were supplied free of charge. There was even day-care for the elderly - when they could be picked up (and dropped off later) and taken to a facility where there would be company and activities for them. Further assistance was available, from welfare checks multiple times a day, through to cleaning services etc. The level of help supplied was based on need, both financial and physical/mental. 

Doctors (GPs) play an important role in this, kick-starting the assessment processes (both physical and cognitive) that then lead to offers of assistance, or the recommendation that the elderly person needs to move to in-house assisted living. All this help was most gratefully received by us all. It meant we didn't have to (as my mother used to fear) "bundle them into an old people's home" before it was necessary/they were ready. My in-laws were adamant they wanted to stay in their own home, even when they knew it was going to be difficult or unwise, but they were able to do so because of this help. (And because of us too!) And as far as the government is concerned, it is a simple economic equation. All this assistance is usually still cheaper** than paying for someone to live in an assisted-care facility. 

Personally, I didn't know all this assistance was available. For any NZers reading, I hope there is some comfort in knowing that we are not completely alone when the time comes that we might need extra help. However, in reality, the system is set up so that the children of the elderly person still need to be major players in ensuring their parents' general well-being. It's one thing receiving this help and having it available. It is another if the elderly have to cope with the health system on their own. Advocates for the elderly are usually their children or a younger relative. Professional advocates could be wonderful - if they existed in NZ - but it would be a role that could lead to elder abuse by less scrupulous members of society. 

My friend revealed plans to build a small house on her daughter's land for her retirement, and joked that there could be a "Mali and Husband" house appear in a few years next to them! That sounds like a nice idea, especially as it will be harder to have such enjoyable long lunches as we age and driving to meet up becomes more difficult. Oh, the conversations*** we could have if we lived next door to each other! But the reality is that we will probably need to have our affairs sorted more cleanly. Writing this is yet another reminder to me to put in writing all our wishes for our waning years, and to think about timing more carefully too. 

Facing our elderly years is not easy for anyone, let alone those of us without children. We hope our savings will ensure we can be looked after. If not, the government will have to do it, though it will be far from luxurious. We're lucky that this is a possibility. But I think the best thing is that we are aware of what is available, and what we will need to think about doing before we are completely infirm. That might be ensuring our documents are all in order, or disposing of most of our private possessions, or a myriad other things. I know I've written about this before, but it is something I think about regularly. That's the greatest gift I can give myself as a childless person - being prepared, rather than being caught in a panic, or waiting till I am confused and befuddled. (Or more so than I already am! lol) I've seen the elderly who don't plan or think ahead. I do not want that to be me.

And in the meantime, I intend to live life to its fullest. Even if that means finishing this blogpost, and going downstairs for a nap on the couch in the sun (still catching up on lost sleep over the Olympics). 

* this is not really a phrase we use in NZ. 

** although part of the reason for this is the criminally low rates paid to the usually kind, devoted elder care workers. Thank goodness too for immigration, which boosts the numbers of carers available as our population ages.

*** with shared family histories of dementia, we once joked to our husbands that when we are old, they can put us in the same care home, and we can tell each other the same stories over and over again, and we'll be none the wiser!