01 June, 2012

Happiness does not require child

This morning, at the gym, I was feeling a little down.  I suspect hormones are to blame, but I have also just finished a project, know I need to seek some more work soon, and don’t relish the idea.  I wondered briefly if the emptiness I was feeling was because I had no kids.  It would be easy to blame any unhappiness I feel on that.  To assume that if I had kids I’d be happy.  But I know that’s not how it works.  Child doesn’t equal happiness.  And more importantly, happiness does not require child.  

Yes, joy and sadness are both part of life.  My life is just like any other in that way.  And I am pleased to report that the sadness slides away quickly, often on the drive home around the sparkling harbour or after a good coffee.  And in the absence of sadness, in its quick departure, joy takes its rightful place. 


  1. Oh, can i just "like" this post!?

    You have hit on the very center of the issue. People who tend to be happy seem to be so no matter their circumstances, and people who tend to be unhappy, likewise. Those who are very unhappy think that will change when they get "X, Y, or Z" but it almost never happens that way.

    Not to minimize the struggles, joys and pain that we all fight.

  2. One of the things I've had to get used to over the years, is that emotions sometimes come in waves, and that we are not always happy. But, if we abide by them, they pass in time.

    I too frequently wonder if I'd be happier, more fulfilled, etc, if I had children, but watching my friends who are new moms - I can see that it isn't a happiness cure. And as I just said to a friend today, you really don't know what is on the other side of pregnancy. Some of my friends are loving motherhood more than they ever would have imagined...others, well, it isn't really what they thought it would be.

    Glad to hear your joy is back :) I know how beautiful Wellington is, so I can only imagine how that would cheer you!

  3. Absolutely. I do have a child, but I know that my happiness, while enhanced by her, is not dependent on her. And while much of my sadness can be traced back to the inability to have another child, it is a fleeting thing that is mostly overshadowed by the rest of life.

  4. Learning how to be happy no matter what is quite challenging... I always knew I could not let my happiness depend on having a child (or a husband) or not, but when I feel sad it is the first thought that pops into my mind... I know need to train myself to keep my thoughts on the positive stuff in my life, and posts like this one help me a lot. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Agreed- I'm starting to realize (on good days) that happiness does not rely on having a child- it's similar to the quote "money doesn't buy happiness" in a way. Recently, I was thinking about going to the zoo here, and found myself in a funk after realizing, "it'd not be the same without a child." I went on anyway, and realized I could enjoy the zoo big time without a kid (without dragging along kids who'd cry for a drink at every stop, wanting to pee at every building, so by an half hour or hour, one's ready to go home. Me, I stayed for almost all day, and got to relax with a book under a tree near the lion den. :D so I know what you mean, Mali- happiness does not have to require a child to fulfill your life (as I said that while in a good mood today.)