24 October, 2012

Infertility and guilt - again

I was referred to this post a while ago (Mel's Round-Up I think) about motherhood after infertility and the inevitable feelings of guilt.

Good mothers, know that you are not alone.  I've written before  (and most prominently, here) about the feelings of guilt I have had (and observed in others) when I find myself enjoying my life with no children.  The guilt brings up thoughts - does this mean I didn't want it enough?  Does this mean I never should have had kids and that somehow there really IS a reason I didn't?  Does this mean I wasn't enough of a woman?  Yes, guilt brings up thoughts that I have long since dismissed, long since ignored, thoughts that I thoroughly disagree with and discount 99% of the time.

As I've said before, letting go of the guilt is the beginning of understanding and acceptance and true happiness.

This week, as this is published, I will be here (though this time we'll be at their safari lodge by the hippos' waterhole, not the one on the hill). And there will be no kids there either.  So with any luck, I will be communing with hippos and giraffes and elephants and lions and leopards and warthogs and more.  With any luck, enjoying being a long way from cellphone reception and wifi, relishing being out in fresh air, soaking up that Vitamin D after a gloomy winter.  Enjoying time with my man.  Forgetting how old I am.  Smiling.

And not feeling any guilt whatsoever.


  1. Hope you are having a wonderful time!

  2. Oh - how fun! While guilt pops up at home, we have NEVER felt guilt on vacation. If anything, I sometimes feel it is Gods way of making everything better.

  3. A mommy friend has just told me about her survivor's guilt. She said sometimes she felt undeserving of her son. I told her what you wrote here, that false guilt will weigh so much if she keeps dragging it out. I know it 'coz it has happened to me before and after a while I felt like I couldn't go on anymore.

    Hope the holiday recharges you fully! :-D

  4. There is so much guilt around infertility... whether you conceive or don't conceive... it is so odd. I was feeling guilty this past week for not wanting to try surrogacy or adoption. Which sounds insane. I mean 3 years later, I am finally really comprehending all I went through with cancer and infertility and there I am feeling guilty because I don't want to put more stress and pressure on my life. Sigh. Guilt is definitely something we all have to deal with in our own way.