29 January, 2018

Another (#3 this month) ageing without children

So a few weeks ago I wrote about ageing without children, and some of the comments prompted me to write a much longer post about ageing without children, in which I realised I do have some sort of plan. Then yesterday, we toured a retirement village nearby on their open day.

The person showing us around said, “you know we have an age limit, don’t you?” laughing, so just in case, we clarified that we were looking on behalf of my husband’s parents. We were given information and taken on a tour with a man who had lost his partner, and was thinking about moving in himself.

He commented that he didn’t have an Enduring Power of Attorney set up, because he didn’t know what to do when he had no family. He was doing everything right, moving in when he was able, joining clubs and keeping active, but it was obvious that he was feeling vulnerable. The staff member didn’t bat an eyelid, referred him to a forthcoming talk on setting up POAs if you don’t have family, and made him feel comfortable, that there was a solution, and that he wasn’t alone in dealing with it. In doing that, she made me feel more comfortable too, about our own future.


  1. This is awesome! The fact that the staff are both armed with information and empathy really demonstrates they have set up a good situation.

    Last night, I witnessed a woman declare that her plans for aging were to move in with her children. Her daughter quickly (and publicity) corrected her, stating that this was never the plan and she needs to find other arrangements. The ripple effect both with this woman and all who witnessed was profound. But sadly, I think it is becoming the norm as the Baby Boom ages.

    1. Yes, I said in my previous post I actually think this is a selfish attitude, simply to rely on children. In today's society, children move around, they work. And one child ends up doing all the work. I saw too on an Ageing Without Children group on Fb someone say their plan is to stay fit and active. But my MIL was fit and active until she was in her 90s, but now needs much more care. That wasn't a plan, it was wishful thinking!

  2. What a great place! I love that they had a soothing, immediate answer to fears and vulnerability, and that it made that man feel more comfortable and you, too. And I giggled at them being confused that you were looking for yourselves, being CLEARLY too young for such things!

  3. It is comforting to read this!

  4. Fantastic place, wonderful staff.

    Comforting as well as sobering read.

  5. Mali, I've already looked into retirement villages (I know, I've only recently turned 50!) and discovered that you need to be 55 here before you're accepted into one. You get your own home, with social stuff if you want it and of course that support if you ever require it.

    The plan is either get our home mortgage free to use to sell to purchase one of these properties, or put in a stair lift (there are a lot of elderly people living in this neighbourhood already). Plans are in the pipeline to get a walk in shower fitted, hopefully some time in the summer, preferably when we're away in the caravan so we don't have the inconvenience of no bathroom facilities at home. Either way, it makes it easier for me and also a great selling point for the house if/when we do eventually sell up!

    People think I'm a bit bat sh*t crazy when I speak about these plans - these are usually people with children or other extended family. Why on earth would you put upon your own relatives if you can plan ahead and ensure you get the sort of adequate lifestyle and level of care you want though? That's a logical step for me... I'm also under no illusions that I will have to have joint replacement surgery again and it might go horribly wrong, as the first joint replacement surgery didn't go smoothly - but I was a lot younger then!

    I'm glad I'm in control of my own destiny and I need to also make sure I get my will done asap as that's another thing in the pipeline, along with POA - no idea whom that will be as I have no family so something I need to look into too. Thanks for the nudge with that! ;-)

  6. That sounds like a promising facility, not only for your in-laws, but to file away for future reference! ;)