There were two babies born last week in my life: one, a third great-nephew, to a niece who had struggled to conceive, and the second, the Prime Miniature as she has been dubbed, to our Prime Minister, who also struggled to conceive. I am pleased to report that I was delighted to hear the news for both these young women, and didn't have any twinges or Ouch! moments.
I was talking retirement with someone the other day, and was surprised that I did have a real Ouch! moment comparing my need to make preparations for myself, and her ability to rely on her children who live in the same city, and perhaps her inability to understand my situation.
On my daily blog x365 Take Two, June's theme has been a month of getting things off our chest, or Whining, and I've written about No Kidding issues* already. I thought I'd continue the theme here, because I wanted to have a whine about parents who really don't stop to think about what they might say or how they might say something. I want to whine too at those who blindly assume that all infertile people - especially those who might be in the midst of trying to conceive - don't understand the realities of parenting. It drives me mad that I have to point out (on my behalf or, more recently, on behalf of others') that just because we don’t have children, it doesn’t mean we:
- don’t understand them
- think that every moment of parenthood is full of joy
- don’t realise that children have melt-downs
- don’t understand that it is hard
- might not have some good ideas to share
- are stupid!
Couldn't agree more. I HATED when in the midst of infertility, I would get the "You'll understand when you have kids." It gutted me every time and I still hear it.
ReplyDeleteUgh, that whole "you can't understand unless you have kids". Not true, and very thoughtless when people say it. I still hate that phrase and its variations!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for Lesley and Joy. I'll click over next to your review.
ReplyDeleteYour points are good reminders. I sometimes act as if everyone is just like me and has the same struggles I have. I know that's not true, of course, but I don't always think more widely before I speak/write.
It's lovely to have baby news not cause an "ouch" moment. I'm sorry about the retirement-related Ouch, though. I bet as time marches forward different things trigger that response. And yeah, I love that your last point is that people without children are not stupid! I really hated being told all the time all the things I wouldn't understand until I had children, and all the things I was so silly to think that I could do, and treated like a total imbecile. I do have the benefit of being a teacher, which lends me some legitimacy in talking about kids and their needs, but holy hell even then people will say, "but are you a parent?" like my master's degree and years of training and experience aren't as important or meaningful as that credential. Argle. Starting Finding Joy soon, I loved your review!
ReplyDelete