19 November, 2018

My No Kidding / Childless Man

There’s an unfortunate comment often made to men – it was said to my husband – that they need to “prove you’re a man” by having children. This is my response.

My husband was more of a man than:
  • Those who leave all decisions to their wives, either too scared, or too lazy to get involved in active decision-making or parenting
  • Those who don't do their equal share of work at home
  • Those who belittle their partners 
  • Those who bully their wives and daughters 

  • Supported me when I was afraid 
  • Held me when I cried 
  • Never told me to “get over it” even though I’m sure he may have felt like saying it 
  • Hid his own pain, until he could see I was healing 
  • Never blamed me, not once 
  • Stood up, and took it 
  • Made me laugh 
  • Made me know I was loved


  1. In all my years in this community, I’ve seen more examples of exceptional men who have walked beside their partners as they’ve faced infertility and loss than those who have zero issues with fertility. This idea that “becoming a man” requires children shows what a low bar we hold males to.

    I agree with all you’ve written and I’m sure we could both write a book about all the amazing ways our partners show us and the world the are “men.” Which is a great reminder of how lucky I am to have one of them in my life (and to know others)

  2. Your husband is an amazing man for all those things (and more, I'm sure). I don't see having children as being a proving point for manhood, but I definitely see men strutting like peacocks over "my swimmers did it" comments, which drive me mad. I agree, it takes so much to be that amazing partner in the face of loss and to be a TRUE partner, regardless of reproduction. Cheers to your husband!