17 August, 2020

Monday Miscellany: No Kidding style

I thought today would be a good day for miscellany! Warning: New baby mentioned,

Over the lockdown, I had this moment of inspiration, and was struck with a perfect analogy with the pandemic and being childless or infertile. Such genius! But when I finally sat at the computer, it had vanished, even though the victorious feeling of inspiration had not. I hope one day that it will return. And in the meantime, I have to laugh at my presumption about the sheer brilliance of my too-fleeting idea!

Last week, we managed to get my father-in-law into our rest home of choice. Unfortunately, it was the same day that rest homes throughout New Zealand went into lockdown, so although my husband was at least able to spend time with him there (strictly speaking, against the rules) to settle him in, we are now not allowed to visit him. There’s a lot we still need to get sorted – like transferring his phone number, setting up his in-room device for Zoom calls to his other children, etc. It’s harder when we’re not right there to do it, even though we are only five minutes away. I feel for him, of course. He’s known for 18 months it was coming, but we never thought we wouldn’t be able to visit. Still, at least he is safe and has people around him looking after him. That is, to be honest, a huge relief to us, and I suspect, even for him. We now know we can travel further from home, or even freely drink at night, without being called to check him after a fall, etc. Our stomachs don’t sink in dread every time we get a phone call.

My niece in Australia had a baby just a few days ago. She has PCOS, and was told at about 18 that she might not be able to have children, so I’m delighted for her. After two generations of girls, her son now joins a whole generation of boys! So I have a fourth great-nephew. I did some knitting for him – a fluffy bunny – which is about the first thing I’ve knitted in 25 years! As Infertile Phoenix wrote last week, as time goes by, and as I have (long) passed the stage of wanting a baby, I no longer flinch at the news, and I am free to be happy for my niece, and to love this new member of our family. Sadly for her, because of this pandemic none of her family can be there to help after a necessary C-section. Including me. So she’s feeling isolated. And I feel old, as she was a three-week-old baby herself at my wedding!

As I wrote elsewhere, I’ve decided to let my dye grow out and my grey/silver/white colours (I have many shades of grey on my head) show through. It’s odd, because although I had begun thinking about when I might feel I have to stop colouring, I had not been actively considering doing it until our COVID lockdown in April. But all of a sudden, as I saw the grey coming through, I liked the idea of letting it take over. I feel surprisingly zen about it. I like the feeling of being natural. I feel confident with it. I am going to own it! It reminds me of how I started feeling when I realised that I had accepted the fact I would never have children, and learned to love my No Kidding life. A feeling of freedom, liberation, confidence, and authenticity.


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  1. LOVE this: "It reminds me of how I started feeling when I realised that I had accepted the fact I would never have children, and learned to love my No Kidding life. A feeling of freedom, liberation, confidence, and authenticity." Yes! I am seeing so many women embracing the grays and silvers and whites during this time. I think it looks beautiful! I'm glad that your father in law is in a good place and the worry and heaviness is lifted a bit. I'm sorry there's a lockdown, but how wonderful that he's in a good place with supports he needs and you don't have to worry about worst case scenarios at home. Congrats to your niece, that's great that things worked out. A knitted fluffy bunny! I would love to see a picture!

  2. Such mixed emotions about getting your FIL settled. May you once again be able to visit him soon -- at least NZ seems to have a better handle on the pandemic than most other countries.

    Here's to the zen of going gray :-)

  3. I hope that when your hairs grows out enough, you will share a picture. Natural aging in all its forms it so beautiful and should be celebrated!!

  4. Ah... you are so gorgeous inside and out... I think your hair will look beautiful and I love the zen feeling you describe. I’m not quite there yet, I like my locks tinted still - I’ve been grey since my twenties though, so that’s probably why! ��
    Isn’t it lovely when we can rejoice in new life instead of the ‘what ifs’? I hope mum & baby are doing ok.
    I’m glad to hear about your FIL although I’m sorry it’s such an upheaval for him. It’s a subject close to my heart, having gone through similar with my own mother years ago. That’s one thing about someone having kids in their 40’s as my parents did - I was young enough to cope with the additional stress of caring for my mum. Totally get the stomach wrenching feeling about phone calls! Remember it well!
    Much love and hoping this posts, Lambs xxx

    1. Lovely Lambs, yes, I got my first grey hairs in my late 20s! It's hard to change, but all of a sudden it seemed right.

      And yay, it posted!

  5. I'm both happy that you've found a good place for your FIL & sorry that you're not able to see him because of COVID. I hope he's settling in nicely and that you'll soon be back to regular visits!