24 August, 2020

Being thankful for connections

I’m thinking it is time to post some positive things about my life, without children. So today, I’m just going to talk briefly about connections.

The first is to thank you all. I’ve made friends blogging here, and on my ectopic site. I often talk about it, but I love it when we cross the barrier from only chatting on No Kidding topics, to being involved (however distantly) in each other’s lives. Sharing book or Netflix recommendations or bread recipes (thanks Klara!), dropping a note to a friend, or meeting each other in real life or real time (eg zoom/Skype/facetime), having already known each other for years. I’ve said many times that internet relationships are real, and I’m grateful for them. It’s a gift that I talk about a lot, but I continue to value you all, and feel the need to express that again today.

Moving on though, I find that as we grow older, we aren’t the outliers in the same way. Many of my friends now have children who are adults and have left home. They have so much more time to spend with us. We are all free and easy (elderly relatives excepting) together. An example was this last weekend, when my husband and I went over the hill (some might say we’re already there! Lol) and spent the night at my friend’s house. We had a lovely catch-up, went out for dinner and a movie (socially distanced), and ended the evening chatting around a fire under a big, starry sky. Their kids are grown, and we chatted about them (my husband actually helped out her son when he joined the same industry years ago) but they were not the focus of their world any more.

Over breakfast the next morning, we got talking about the human need to find meaning in life. Unlike some parents, they did not feel that it was their meaning in life to have children. (Even though they were both devoted parents.) We talked about the need to connect with other humans. At times in our lives it might be harder to do that, when we find many of those people we are around are focused on their children, or when we need support in our later years (and I’ll have more to say about that in due course). But in between, it definitely gets easier, the world feels a bit more inclusive, and there is much fun to be had.

If you’re just starting out in this journey, or if you’re surrounded by people having children right now, know that you’ll find your connections, in real life and online. And it gets easier.





  1. dear Mali, I love being connected with you <3
    I agree - it does get easier!

  2. So lovely! I agree that online connections are real! And the fire and starry sky celebration sounds so beautiful. I'm glad that at some point it all evens out a bit and there's inclusion where before the differences between parents and non-parents seem so stark. You're so good to always have those things for people in the muck to look forward to as they make their way through resolution! I'm so thankful for you.

  3. This is such an important point, that connections are fluid and ever-flowing. I'm so glad that one chapter in my life -- IF -- has led to some enduring relationships not built solely on the experience of IF.

  4. I thank God(dess) ;) every day for the friends I've made online over the past 22 years -- I don't know how I would have survived without them. Some have drifted away, of course, but others are as dear to me as the friends I grew up with, even if we've never met "in real life." I've often said that if I had to go through pregnancy loss/infertility/childlessness (& now COVID!), I am SO grateful that I got to do it at a time when the Internet has made connecting with others in the same situation so much easier!