Time passing

Phew! What with visitors one week, then recovery from visitors, some other social engagements, and no sleep through the French Open in the last week, it's taken me a while to get back to normal. I was going to write something along the lines that taking my time to do this is much easier when I don't have children to worry about. But of course, neither do most of my friends who are my age now too. I just spent the evening yesterday with some friends, all of whom have children, two with grandchildren, and none with any commitments due to children, simply because we're all in our 50s or above and the children are grown (or as close to grown that it barely counts). This is something we forget when we're in the midst of our infertility anguish, because it so often coincides with the family building of our friends, when they can be so busy and focused on their kids. Kids grow up and leave home (usually), and parents become free again.

Recently, elsewhere, the question was posed about what is good about being in our 50s. I commented that, along with the freedom that comes with increased confidence, self-knowledge, and the reduction of career angst, the reclamation of friendships with our parented friends when their kids grow up and become independent can be one of the best things about getting older. Yes, our relationships with those once-departed parent friends them may have changed, especially if we felt rejected or neglected when they made their social lives with other parents. But it doesn't mean that we need to lose the best parts of our friendships - the common interests, or the laughter. We might not be as close as we were, but we can still be part of each others' lives.

I wrote a post about this back in 2015, and find now that it is even more true as time passes. My readers' comments there were interesting, some struggling, and some hopeful. To prove that not all parents ignore their No Kidding friends, two parents noted that the friends they valued the most were the ones who saw them as a whole person, not just as a parent. And another reader wrote that she found she was reclaiming her friends, and that it was "really lovely." Her final comment provided motivation for me to write this post:"I wish that I had read this post five years ago when it felt like all my friends had set sail to the island of children leaving me crying on the shore."

So I write this to offer hope. It really does get easier.