Looking back on the blog: 2024

It's become a habit now to review the year gone by. I've just done it also on A Separate Life, although it seems harder this year because so much of 2024 seems a very long time ago now!

So, back to the blog. I wrote 55 posts here in 2024, which is pretty good considering I was away or sick for almost four months of the year. (I will admit that I feel quite proud of writing and scheduling three months of blog posts before I left!) I'm not sure about recurring themes this year, although the book that included my essay was a topic I kept returning to, simply because so many of the other authors made me think. Otherhood then, was a key theme, and I finally published my No Kidding essay here in October.

No Kidding: My Otherhood Essay

It is harder to keep finding things to write about that are specifically related to my No Kidding status. I'm not grieving any more, I'm not recovering, and I'm not surrounded by people with small children. All my friends and most of my family now have children who are adults, and so aren't part of their day to day lives. My life is very different. I know some bloggers have moved on to concentrating on ageing issues - I've written plenty about that - or who have just said, "ok, that's enough, I don't need to write any more." I'd find it hard to stop, I think, so I'm just going to see where the blog and my readers and comments take me in 2025.

So this once again brings me to the fact that the first week of January is blog delurking week, as Mel at Stirrup Queens reminded me. Do leave a quick hello in the comments (I’m fine with anonymous comments if you’re shy) or send a quick email to me at nokiddinginnz at gmail dot com. I'd love to know who else is reading here.

And whether you comment or not, whether you’re a long time reader or have just stumbled across me for the first time, I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

Hoping you all have a very safe and happy 2025!

Looking back on the blog: 2023

This week seems to be my week of reviewing 2023. It feels a bit weird, because I’m actively looking forward to 2024, I’m enjoying the arrival of summer (a fan on behind me, windows open all over the house, bright blue sky and sunshine, pohutukawa in bloom all over my suburb) and I’m full of enthusiasm for new projects this year. (I hope it lasts!)

So, back to the blog. I wrote 57 posts here in 2023, a few more than the last couple of years, but really I’m staying stable, which is at least encouraging, in my 14^th year of blogging here. I like to review my blog for the year, so here goes looking at some recurring themes:

So, back to the blog. I wrote 55 posts in 2022, a few more than 2021, but still fewer than 2020. There is still food for thought, but as I joked to a fellow blogger the other day, I am not afraid of repetition! But as I review my blogs from the year, as usual I see some themes. I don’t think I’ll list the posts I talk about here. Because I know that different people might take different things from them, especially as many posts started off with a grumble, then finished with a positive, or vice versa.

Speaking of grumbles, I do feel as if I grumbled a lot more in 2023 than I did in previous years. I wrote at least eight posts specifically about grumbles, or perhaps with acknowledgement of losses. 2023 was a year marking a lot of losses, a 20^th anniversary of loss, would-have-been 20^th birthdays, etc. And I just didn’t feel that great. And I decided that it was worth pointing out that even 20 years later, in a life that no longer focuses on childlessness, there are still ouch moments, times when it all comes back to me, times when I feel the losses.

That said, I also wrote eight posts about simply living my life, and enjoying it, embracing it. Posts about choosing our lives, being No Kidding and Happy, came easily to me in 2023 too. How about that for symmetry?

And the majority of my posts were about finding perspective, healing, and finding strength and compassion. Sometimes externally, but usually from the hard-won knowledge that comes from experiencing something first hand. My favourite post of the year was in this theme, and ended with the line, “I might have lost my blissful ignorance, but I have not lost my bliss.” Transformation from Trauma lays out how loss and infertility has changed me, made me more aware of my frailty, but also more confident in my strength. Like many of my posts, it was inspired by another blogger. Thanks for the inspiration, Jess!

I am constantly amazed and delighted to find so much wisdom in the comments of my posts - as I do every year. I am so lucky to have wise and compassionate readers, and I am so lucky that you are all still visiting, adding your perspectives, reminding me of the "BothAnd" (thanks, LLL!), putting alternatives.

Which once again brings me to the fact that the first week of January is blog delurking week. Yes, I know I’m late. But do leave a quick hello in the comments (I’m fine with anonymous comments if you’re shy) or send a quick email to me at nokiddinginnz at gmail dot com. I'd love to know who else is reading here.

And whether you comment or not, whether you’re a long time reader or have just stumbled across me for the first time, I wish you all a safe and happy 2024!

Note: This is an annual nod to Mel, who used to run the Crème de la Crème, where we would list our favourite post of the year. It always provided inspiring reading. So even though it doesn’t happen officially now, I hope that you too will list your favourite posts from your own blogs, on your blogs, for us to enjoy again (or for the first time).

 

Looking back on the blog: 2022

So, back to the blog. I wrote 55 posts in 2022, a few more than 2021, but still fewer than 2020. There is still food for thought, but as I joked to a fellow blogger the other day, I am not afraid of repetition! But as I review my blogs from the year, as usual I see some themes:

I began the year thinking about needing a bigger support network, and talked about community and support at different times through the year. It's still an issue for me.

I need a bigger support network
A wealth of community wisdom
Community and Support Groups

I had a few lonely moments, moments of regret that were worth mentioning, if only to let others know they were not alone:

When we're the only ones to remember
Bread and Childlessness
Pros and Cons of a Childless Easter
The Day that is Not For Us 
Christmases Future
Just the Two of Us

I posted on perspective, and noted that wanting something we couldn't have needed to be left, so we could make way for something new:

Yearning on a shelf 
Route to Madness 
Finding Common Ground 
Pathways, not Barriers

I think my favourite piece this year was the post My No Kidding Rules for Conversation. It gives me permission to take a full part in conversations, and to ask for change.

As I noted last year, in reviewing previous posts, it always strikes me how important it is to reread posts after all the comments, because they add so much to the conversation, to our collective wisdom, and to our sense of community. I am so glad you are all part of No Kidding in NZ.

Finally, in going through my 2022 posts, I noticed that in January last year I recounted a conversation with my BIL about his daughter (from his first marriage) who was throwing away the contraception and would just "see what happens." I asked him to make sure she sought help if she had no success, being in her late 30s. There's a wedding planned for this year, if I recall, but so far, no baby, or - as far as I am aware - no pregnancy. I'm sad for her, and wonder if my advice was ever passed on. I must ask my sister.

Which brings me to the fact that the first week of January is blog delurking week. So, do leave a quick hello in the comments (I’m fine with anonymous comments if you’re shy) or send a quick email to me at nokiddinginnz at gmail dot com. I'd love to know who is reading here.

I wish you all a safe and happy 2023!

 This is an annual nod to Mel, who used to run the Crème de la Crème, where we would list our favourite post of the year. It always provided inspiring reading. So even though it doesn’t happen officially now, I hope that you too will list your favourite posts from your own blogs, on your blogs, for us to enjoy again (or for the first time).

Looking back on the blog: 2021

Phew, we survived 2021 too. In so many ways, it has been a struggle. A struggle for all of us, all over the world, a struggle to survive, to maintain our patience and compassion for fellow humans, and for ourselves. And I've found it a bit of a struggle to blog here. Maybe I've said all there is to say about No Kidding topics? As the years have passed, the grief of not having children plays a smaller and smaller part in my life, even though ageing without children looms and requires more thought space too. So maybe the focus here is changing too. There are still things to say though. Still conversations that surprise me, either in a bad or a good way! So I intend sticking around in 2022. By now, it is just what I do!

So, back to the blog. I wrote 52 posts in 2021, seven fewer than in 2020. That's quite a drop, but shows there is still food for thought! It wasn't a stellar year for No Kidding in NZ though - no projects as I've done in previous years, or major new insights. But as I review my blogs from the year, I see some themes:

I talked about gratitude, the little moments, finding beauty in unexpected moments, all of which help us cope and enjoy our lives:

Beauty in the Weeds
Gratitude

And I wrote a number of posts where I was able to find shared experiences in other groups or individuals outside our No Kidding community. Whilst it is easy to focus on our isolation from the parented sectors of society, my experiences have also made me feel even more connected in other ways, which is a gift.

Shared experiences in beauty and grief    
Shared experiences (again)  
We're not so different

I continued to talk about the way we think and our attitudes towards not having children, our recovery and healing from that, and our approaches to life, in:

Hope
Accurate Thinking
Inaccurate Thinking
Rising from the Ashes
The Road to Ithaka
Grief, Attitude, and Hope

I touched on a few issues around Ageing without Children, and also similarities between infertility/childlessness and the pandemic, was very lazy when I was travelling in May and reposted a few of my thoughts. And I finished the year looking back at posts I'd written before, and looking way back to the days of my losses and infertility, beginning to walk this No Kidding path. In reviewing previous posts, it always strikes me how important it is to reread posts after all the comments, because they add so much to the conversation, to our collective wisdom, and to our sense of community. I am so glad you are all part of No Kidding in NZ.

Which brings me to the fact that the first week of January is blog delurking week. So, do leave a quick hello in the comments (I’m fine with anonymous comments if you’re shy) or send a quick email to me at nokiddinginnz at gmail dot com. I love to know who is reading here. 

I wish you all a safe and happy 2022!

  This is an annual nod to Mel, who used to run the Crème de la Crème, where we would list our favourite post of the year. It always provided inspiring reading. So even though it doesn’t happen officially now, I hope that you too will list your favourite posts from your own blogs, on your blogs, for us to enjoy again (or for the first time).

Looking back on the blog: 2020

I’m starting this review with a laugh. Because my 2019 review blogpost began with the comment that “survival is a feat in itself!” Little did I know what 2020 would bring us all! The sentiment is even more important after this last year, don’t you think? If you got through 2020 safe and relatively sane, I think it is an amazing achievement in many parts of the world. And, as I noted in that 2019 post, it is “worth celebrating. Remember that!”

Over 2020, I wrote 59 posts, one less than 2019. At least I’m consistent! Still thinking and writing about No Kidding issues, thoughts, and women.

2020 saw me establish my No Kidding in NZ Instagram account @nokiddinginnz  It’s really just an account to provide some text and links to a new blogpost. But even keeping up with that has been hard recently, so I resolve to be more diligent this year. In particular to try to keep up with the many blogs and accounts that are present on Insta. I know I’ll fail at that – but maybe I’ll just try harder?

I kicked off the year with my 2020 Healing Project, going through the things that helped me (or would have helped if I had known at the time) get through the period of time from approaching a No Kidding life to fully embracing it. It was an interesting exercise – and I hope it helped someone. It helped me, because it took me through the first months of the pandemic when everything was so unfamiliar to us all, and our own very strict lockdown here in NZ back in April and May. The reminders to feel joy when I can, to accept, to connect, to experience, and to celebrate were very important, and helped make the lockdown easier for me. What we learn in difficult times can help us in other difficult times. That’s something I am very grateful for.

The No Kidding in NZ 2020 Healing Project

When Our World Shifts beneath Us

I did a lot of thinking about ageing and death this year, probably because a preoccupation for the year was my father-in-law, his decline, unavoidable move from the house he had lived in since 1962, and ultimately his death in September. Not to mention dealing with his affairs. Of course, we  and inevitably wondering how it will be for us when we are old and infirm, and how to handle our affairs for when we are gone. So I wrote a few posts about end of life issues, or mentioned them in my miscellaneous posts. I’m hoping I can be more cheerful in 2021!

It Won’t Happen to Me

End of Life Wishes

Cleaning up my stuff (and a relevant follow-up on A Separate Life here)

As always, I am grateful for my current connections. Connection is what helps, ultimately, and you have all helped me in 2020.

Friends are the future

Thankful for connections

Being grateful for No Kidding friends

So, as Mel has reminded me yet again, the first week of January is blog delurking week. So do leave a quick hello in the comments (I’m fine with anonymous comments if you’re shy) or send a quick email to me at nokiddinginnz at gmail dot com. I love to know who is reading.

Thanks for being here. I wish you all a safe and happy 2021!

 

This is an annual nod to Mel, who used to run the Crème de la Crème, where we would list our favourite post of the year. It always provided inspiring reading. So even though it doesn’t happen officially now, I hope that you too will list your favourite posts from your own blogs, on your blogs, for us to enjoy again (or for the first time). 

 

2019: Looking Back on the Blog

Another year and I'm still here, even though 2019 wasn't my best blogging year. It's worth looking back though, as survival is a feat in itself! And worth celebrating. Remember that!

Over 2019, I wrote sixty posts, which I'm quite pleased about, as it averages one a week, with a few more thrown in. Sixty times last year, I thought about writing about not having children, I thought about the positives and negatives of my situation, and I thought about what you might want or need to hear about. Sixty times I reminded myself to be honest. I might not have always had words of wisdom (I hope I had some), and sometimes (like yesterday), I might skim past the topics, but even in that fact, I hope I'm showing that I am not defined by my No Kidding status. Instead, I'm just living my No Kidding life.

I kicked off the year with good intentions for blogging in 2019. I'm not sure I met many (any?) of these "blogging resolutions", but that's okay. There's always this year!

January and February saw me write my five-post menopause series, which you can find here.  It's funny, because just a year later, it feels like something I wrote a long time ago, and something I went through in the dim and distant past. I'm still on HRT, and I still overheat, but the horror memories are fading, thank goodness.

A lot of my writings have been focused on my efforts to see things from both sides. Two in particular are:

Issues from all sides
How infertility affects our world views
Stories we tell ourselves

I've written more about ageing when you don't have children, sometimes specifically, sometimes in thinking about the need to build a community, and quite often about what legacy we leave when we don't leave children. Perhaps that's natural when for the last years I've been surrounded by elderly parents and in-laws, with only one left still hanging in there. Ironically, having written about Recipes as Legacy, I was hunting for my mother-in-law's zucchini chutney recipe recently, and can't find it in her recipe books, despite finding at least one carefully copied recipe I gave her which I know she never made. It is very frustrating, as it is one of only a few recipes of hers I actually wanted, and I can't find it!

I started last year with some optimism because of a potentially changed situation, but due to someone else's misfortune, that didn't continue. It's a situation I'm not happy about, but have to remind myself - Pain Olympics style - that perspective is everything. Perhaps because of this though, and perhaps unconsciously, I wrote a couple of posts about suppressing ourselves, our wishes, our realities.

Suppressing our personalities
Celebrations vs Grief

But on the other hand, I did talk about occasions when I spoke out. These small instances, when I (figuratively) stamp my foot and refuse to let my situation be ignored, help me to remind myself, and the world, that I'm here, and that I (and all of us who are Not Kidding) count.

Speaking out revisited
Don't render me invisible

As usual, I got a lot of inspiration from other readers and writers on this topic, both from their posts, and comments. My posts are often sparked by ideas when I read a post, whether I agree with it, want to take it a bit further, or on a different tangent, or when I vehemently disagree. I think it helps me a lot when I try to figure out why those I disagree with take that attitude. Understanding, even if I still disagree, helps. So I thank you all for thinking and writing and discussing and inspiring me. Please continue to do it!

Finally, I conducted a To Instagram or Not survey. I'm monitoring the results, but will close it in the next week, so if you haven't commented, or filled it in, please do so here. It'll only take you about one minute! It's a question of whether to add Instagram to the No Kidding online presence, not to replace this space here, which was a concern of many.

Here's to another year of blogging, of thinking, of growing, and of trying to continue to be able to say, I'm Not Kidding.

This is an annual nod to Mel, who used to run the Crème de la Crème, where we would list our favourite post of the year. It always provided inspiring reading. So even though it doesn’t happen officially now, I hope that you too will list your favourite posts from your own blogs, on your blogs, for us to enjoy again (or for the first time). 


PS: And Mel has reminded me that this week is blog delurking week. So do leave a quick hello in the comments (I'm okay with anonymous comments if you're really shy) or send a quick email. I'd love to start the year knowing who is here reading.